5.1.
holidays are ending and no work was done but that was expected
I have to finish book review but I’m leaving that for tomorrow, as always
we went to see ronin 47 yesterday and movie sucks
only good part are rinko & tadanobu power couple
after the movie we were supposed to go to his house in the countryside and spend the night
he said he didn’t feel like going there to which i pouted
a lot
and was grumpy and everything and he knew those were just hormones hah
but in the end we went there and we were just lying in the bed and i was lying on my side and he put his head on my shoulder and told me about his french class and that was so sweet somehow
and also how the way my hair smells always reminds him of me and also that the taste of popcorns reminds him of me
we had to leave around 3.30am to avoid meeting his grandparents
had some freshly baked goods at the bakery around 4 and went home
and today was chaos at home, father even said something directly to me
we have’t been speaking for almost 2 years
i broke down inside but pulled myself together
i have to remind myself that he is not worth it
my tears and time
he is just pathetic old man who will have no one when his time comes
going to read a bit more of murakami and take a long bath and watch 12 years a slave and do things easy tomorrow
9:09
12.12.
I want to love him and I want to be there for me and he’s growing on me
he said he won’t fall in love but still I need some words to assure me that this all isn’t useless
I feel so dumb and I’m crying over nothing
one day it is going to be ok
9:27
25.11.
i miss the way ex used to look at me
like i was made of something precious
it’s not the case now
we talk about politics and i dont really care about that and all conversations end up in the same way
but it’s a hand that i can hold
12:26